GRACE BLOGS COLLECTION
Success in life is all about wholesome, positive relationships.
But here are some eye-opening facts:
An insecure person doesn’t know their true value, so they feel rejected, unaccepted and abandoned. Unresolved insecurities control and influence our decision-making processes, which ultimately determine our future and hinder our success!
Nothing kills relationships quicker than unresolved insecurities. They destroy relationships, driving more people out of business and ministry than anything else.
Most people just hide their insecurities, living behind masks and denying their true selves—and believers are sometimes the best at it!
But in hiding our insecurities, we slowly lose who we were created to be.
Hiding your insecurities is like treating cancer with an aspirin—it might make you feel better for a couple of hours, but it won’t fix the problem.
Doing My Part
Getting along with others actually has more to do with us than with them.
1. I Must Deal with My Own Insecurities
Knowing God and His love will positively affect our relationships, but we still need to work on our people skills. The true mark of a mature Christian isflexibility and tolerance.
May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop MATURITY in you so that you can GET ALONG with each other as well as Christ gets along with us. —Romans 15:6-7 (MSG)
And Christ gets along with us based on who HE is—not on us.
2. Find Something Good in Others.
Those who are not like us may seemstrange or weird. We find reasons not tolike, accept or get along with them.
Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody… —Romans 12:17 (MSG)
Nothing kills relationships quicker than unresolved insecurities. They destroy relationships, driving more people out of business and ministry than anything else.
Confronting others to “straighten them out” will always create strife, even if we are right!
3. Stop Taking The Easy Way Out.
Sometimes it’s easier to simply avoid other people. But this should be a last resort. Don’t get me wrong—some you just have to love from a distance!
Those of us who are strong and able in the faith… lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us…. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?” —Romans 15:1-2 (MSG)
4. Settle in Your Heart That It’s Okay to Disagree.
Usually this is a big problem for insecure people.
Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with…Treat them gently.—Romans 14:1-3 (MSG)
5. Remember, People Will Always Be People.
It’s impossible to have relationships and not have offenses!
Then said he unto the disciples, “It is impossible but that offenses will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!”—Luke 17:1 (KJV)
This is one of the greatest things I’ve learned over the years. It’s not what happens to me, but what happens in me that really matters!
6. Learn to Listen to Others.
We must be willing to listen to other people!
Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.—Proverbs 17:28 (KJV)
Clearly, flexibility and tolerance are the true marks of a mature Christian.
As we continue on with this series on Breaking into a New Season (read part one), I want to look at relationships in our lives. We all need relationships. God created us to be interdependent upon one another. God Himself declared that “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18). However, relationships
The post Do Your Relationships Need Redefined? appeared first on MichaelWilson.org.
I guess the first time it hit me was at 25 years old. We had our first child, David, and as I stood looking through the window to the hospital nursery, I thought, "This child will live eternally in either heaven or hell, and I have been charged with the responsibility to guide him. Oh, my!" Being human is terrifying. What was God thinking to grant such power to humans that we can affect his creation so radically? It is an awesome reality. What is so awesome and terrifying about being human?
Humans are creatures made by a creator with the design to rule over creation for its good and God's glory. The fact that we are humans means that we are limited. In other words, we are not the creator. We do not know everything (omniscience), nor do we have power over everything (omnipotence). And, of course, we cannot be everywhere at once (omnipresence). God designed us to rule over creation while worshipping our sovereign and loving creator. It is awesome beyond comprehension.
We have been granted the status of sons of God, conveying our privilege of relating to him as father and being heirs in his family. We are his partners in his earthly work. We are to discover and develop the treasures of creation and structure them to reflect his majestic creativity and love. The first human received the capacity and responsibility to name the animals. That means that we can discern the true nature of things so that we can manage them properly. When we misname, we mismanage.
Humans have a design of either male or female. They are equal and mostly the same, but their differences are significant. They represent the constant dynamic of structure and creativity. It has been described as order being challenged by chaos for the purpose of growth. God designed male and female humans to be interdependent. The first female came from the male. All other offspring came from the female. Not only are both essential to life on earth, but their differences are also sacred. All attempts to erase the differences are attacks on reality. The end of such efforts will not be good. It will be less than humanity’s design calls for.
Because of our design, we are decision-makers and our decisions matter. In fact, every decision we make moves the whole world toward chaos or ordered life. There are no inconsequential decisions. We never take a day off from making world-changing decisions. That is terrifying! It means that what I do affects others who don't even know what I am doing.
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For instance, when I disregard a healthy diet, I am affecting my wife, who will probably be the primary caregiver if I am sick. It affects whether my grandchildren will have quality time with their grandpa, which will affect the trajectory of their lives, which will affect their grandchildren. It affects those whose jobs my work provides, which affects their families and future. It affects the entire healthcare system in the nation and the world… ad infinitum. It's awesome. I can change the world today! It might be only a slight change, but it is change no less. I should want desperately to change it for good.
There is a problem. Humans are not only limited by their "creatureliness," we are wounded by our sinfulness. Like our first parents, we are burdened with guilt over rebellious actions, shamed by our spiritual nakedness, and fearful of rejection and death.
Sadly, we followed not only the path of Adam and Eve but also that of Cain. He had the choice to confront his error and correct it but chose to see himself as the mistreated oppressed. His resentment led to hostility toward his brother, and finally, Cain eliminated him. Cain demonstrated that one cannot live without gratitude, and resentment makes gratitude impossible. History records the various attempts to live meaningfully without addressing the "fallenness" problem. Millions have died needlessly because some humans tried to manage the creation without considering the default selfishness of all fallen humans.
The burden of being a human beset by debilitating weaknesses, but conscious that our decisions matter is too heavy for many. They want another reality, so they become substitute creators and make up new ones. Some have declared that only a few elite are capable of managing the rest, and have found ways to construct governments which first serve but ultimately enslave the masses.
Some have removed the creator and surmised that the only reality that counts must come from us, so we make our own meaning. Others conclude that there is no meaning to our decisions. They don’t matter in the long run, because no long run exists. We could go on. The proposals are numerous -- all with a guarantee of failure.
There is great news. God, our creator, is also our Redeemer. He has acted in history to restore humans to their original design. He became a man in Jesus and reversed what Adam and Eve did. Like Abel, he offered the proper and final offering, forever removing rejection from those who trust him. We are human again. It is awesome. Let's change the world today.
Our girls recently turned 15 and we we’re honored that they wanted to celebrate their Birthdays with us over having a party with their friends! For the first 9 years of Angel and Starr’s lives I buried them under a mountain of rules. I was very works-oriented so I valued rules over my relationship with […]
The post Relationship Over Rules appeared first on Sandra McCollom.
In less than 24 hours you will receive so much Good News! I hope you can join us on Friday evening, March 23rd and Saturday, March 24th for this wonderful Women of Grace conference in Branson, Missouri. If you live close enough, you could actually drive to Branson on Friday morning and be home by […]
The post Women of Grace Conference in Branson, Missouri appeared first on Sandra McCollom.
Hi Sandra, My name is Debbie and I live in Australia. I have been reading your book and I absolutely love it! I have some questions that I would like to ask you about and hoping that you may be able to answer. My Answer: Hi Debbie! So happy you are loving my book. I […]
The post Questions & Answers: Grace-Based Relationship Advice appeared first on Sandra McCollom.
I was telling the grandsons about my grandfather helping me harvest corn when I was a boy. It went something like this: "When I was ten years old, my father told me to take the wagon up to the 10 acre field of corn north of my grandfather's home and to pull the corn and put it in the barn..."
I had intended to tell them how my eighty three-year old grandfather saw my task and came to help me, but I was interrupted by seven-year-old Sam. "Your dad made you do that?" His eyes were wide and his mouth agape. Incredulous!
I explained that though it was quite a task for a ten-year old, and that I was sure it would take days, I was honored that my dad would entrust me with meaningful work. (My grandfather and I finished the job the next day.)
Contrary to popular opinion, work is not a bad thing. It is not something thrust upon us as a form of punishment.
Senator Ben Sasse has written a book, The Vanishing American Adult, in which he discusses the coming crisis resulting from prolonged adolescence. He traces the changes in society from the family that worked together either on farms or in family businesses, to today's environment of consumer-oriented young people. It is a good read and offers helpful suggestions about how to better parent our children and grandchildren.
Underlying his analysis and hopes for change is a Christian worldview regarding work. His book spurred some thoughts of my own.
Contrary to popular opinion, work is not a bad thing. It is not something thrust upon us as a form of punishment. Some try to use the biblical narrative of Adam and Eve's fall and the subsequent curse to support the idea that work is the result of the curse.
By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return. -- Genesis 3:19 (ESV)
It is the sweat of your face, because of the difficulty that sin injected into the economic dynamic, that is the curse. Work is part of the divine design. We are made in the image of the God who works. We are fulfilled when we express our creativity and extend our abilities in meaningful work.
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When people are convinced that getting out of work is better than working, and that the objective is consuming rather than producing, they get frustrated and bored. And the economy that surrounds them is diminished.
Though all of us would recoil at oppressive child labor, we must not rob our children of the joy of participating in the managing of creation. My grandsons will never be asked to harvest a field of corn, but they must be given opportunities to contribute as a producer rather than just a consumer.
They can learn early to make their bed, clean their room, share in household chores, volunteer for community work, help classmates do their work, and thereby find the sense of destiny for which they are designed. Hours in the classroom will not adequately substitute for such experiences.
Rise up parents and grandparents! There is more to be done than following the current agenda to personal success.
Many Christians are worried about the future for their children and grandchildren. Right now, we have an opportunity to make a difference in their future as well as the future of our society. If Senator Sasse is correct is his analysis, there is going to be a vacuum of responsible leadership when the unprepared generation is expected to assume responsibility. Just by being attentive and responsible parents, we can prepare some young men and women who can tear down the idol of consumerism and replace it with producers who love to work as an expression of their worship.
We can teach them to enjoy reading, to engage in problem solving, to rejoice in opportunities to serve, to know who they are as defined by the boundaries set by their creator, and to desire the best for someone other than themselves.
Something devastating is happening to our young. Let's open our eyes and embrace our present opportunity. Rise up parents and grandparents! There is more to be done than following the current agenda to personal success. The future is in our hands now.
I’m dropping in today to say, it’s ok to be human. Steve and I have a good marriage, but we would like it to be better. Recently, the Holy Spirit reminded us that we need to set aside more time for communication. In other words, we haven’t been taking enough time just to sit face-to-face […]
The post Relationships – Communication Matters appeared first on Sandra McCollom.
“I am experiencing transformation like never before. I feel God’s love now. How do I get my spouse or child to feel what I’m feeling?”
Have you said something like this?
I have heard this question dozens of times from people who begin a heart journey of connecting with God within but want the people in their lives to do the same. There is such freedom when we realize that the changes we’ve desired for so long come from the power of God’s spirit within rather than God acting on us outwardly, that we want everyone to experience the same liberty. We often begin to try to teach the people in our lives what we’ve learned but it only turns to frustration. It may even cause one to be disappointed in God all over again if they think God is not moving on the person they love.
The only path for their heart is love. As you love them, they begin to know and feel love which in turn can be the tipping point to be able to receive and experience God’s love. Ephesians 3 tells us that God’s love in our hearts makes us whole. If you desire to see change in people you love, just love them and trust the Holy Spirit to do the rest.
The post How Do I Change My Spouse or Child? appeared first on Forward Ministries.
People can’t read your mind and they don’t know what’s in your heart. That means you have to communicate what you’re thinking and feeling, especially to those you love and work with and definitely with your family.
Often when we attempt to communicate we do it through frustration, fear and pain from the past. We can learn to put people first and learn to value people. If we seek to preserve relationship first we will express what’s on our our hearts and minds in love and respect.
This series will give you a solid method for communication to leave people feeling valued and loved for the purpose of maintaining healthy relationships.
Message Titles
The post Do people feel valued and respected after communicating with you? appeared first on Forward Ministries.
With all due respect for the current emphasis on women's equality and appreciation, it’s time for men to rise to their calling. Much has been written about how the role of husbands and fathers has been culturally ridiculed for decades. (Think: Dagwood and Blondie or All In The Family with Archie.) But men can no longer hide behind victimization. It is time to Man Up.
I realize that such phraseology is not politically correct. Some will immediately accuse me of misogyny. Go ahead if you must, but the deplorable state of current masculinity compels me to continue. It is no wonder young boys have trouble determining what men are like. When political leaders spurn civil dialogue to demean opponents with name-calling like first graders, what's a boy to think? When male athletic heroes express themselves in terms of abuse toward women, or when they display unhindered unabashed ego in shamelessly promoting themselves, real men are embarrassed.
Then there is the effort by some to redefine masculinity in terms of passivity and ill-defined meekness. Often fashion tries to hide masculine identity under a unisex look. Reacting to such obvious attempts, some have resorted to crudeness and barbaric behavior. Vulgarity and shameless machismo have nothing to do with real masculinity. I could go on about how so many men have disqualified themselves in the church, and abandoned spirituality to the care of women, but the point is made. It is time to Man Up.
Being a man myself, I have a special interest in genuine masculinity. If there is a right way to be a man I want to know it. I have read varied opinions discussing whether or not there is any real difference (other than obvious biological ones) in masculinity and femininity, and have concluded that unless one has already decided what they want to believe, there is compelling evidence that men and women are distinctly different while sharing a common life in equality.
Of course the best selling book of all times tells us that in the first few pages:
Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:26-27 ("Man" is used in a generic sense as the context makes clear.)
In fact, the Bible tells the time-proven story about a personal God who created, out of love, a world that has order. Everything in creation has both value and purpose. In His crowning act of creation, He created male and female in such a way that their differences would both attract them to each other and complete each other. Masculinity and femininity are designed to complement each other, not compete. Since God loves, He created mankind to love. He gave them roles that matched their design. Peace reigned as long as they lived according to their creator's design.
As the story develops, the male and female chose to reject His design and the resulting disorder infected the human race as well as the creation they were to manage. It wasn't a design flaw. It was the human choice to reject God's design that proved to be the culprit. Those today still trying to address the human dilemma by ignoring the original design are as misguided as Adam and Eve.
It is revealed in the Genesis account that Adam was given the responsibility to "keep the garden." That meant he was to guard it, protect it, and develop it. He along with Eve had God-given authority over all the creatures, yet when a serpent suggested they should not trust God, Adam did not forbid him, nor protect his wife. He did not "man-up." It is history's first example of masculinity letting the whole race down.
We have seen it many times since, and today it is alarmingly evident. We have all read or heard of the rampant fatherlessness in our society. It is reported that some communities have more than 70 percent of the children growing up without a father in their lives. Millions of single moms struggle to "keep their gardens," while irresponsible men walk away. In their absence young men and women are left wondering what men are like.
I would lead you astray if I didn't mention that as the story continues, there was another "Adam" who confronted the enemy in the wilderness and chose to do whatever was necessary to redeem what Adam had forfeited. He gave His life for His bride and made it possible for all of us to live by His design. (See 1 Cor. 15:42-50; Romans 5:12-21.)
The apostle Paul in his closing remarks to the church in Corinth exhorts them to "act like men." (Man-up is a close translation in today's vernacular) Of course he is writing to both sexes, but they obviously knew what it meant to act like men. Real men act a certain way. I would be afraid to write that to the church today. With such confusion about masculinity, there is no telling what behavior would result if the readers tried to comply.
Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. (1 Cor. 16:13-14, NASB)
The surrounding statements in this text help to explain what was meant by "act like men." They are alert to what might threaten those under their care. They stand firm, refusing to bend to the pressures of culture that seek to minimize faith and faithfulness. They are willing to confront and forbid those destroying influences trying to invade their garden of responsibility. They know the true nature of their enemy and fight with weapons that are effective. Above all, they act in love. This precludes and dismisses all the facades of masculinity that have crept into our culture. There is no place for manipulation, domination, or condemnation in true strength. It is the weak man who tries to bully his way to the top. Real men are meek but they aren't weak. They don't have anything to prove; just their "garden" to keep. They lead by serving and serve by leading when leadership is demanded. Un-intimidated by voices that seek to disqualify and accuse, they have something grand to live for and someone they will die for.
The family begs for this kind of man. Contrary to Hollywood hype, women long for such men. The church suffers from the lack of such men. Society will die if men don't Man Up.