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Unconditional Love is an Oxymoron

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All of my life I have heard Christians talk about the unconditional love of God.  I’ve heard, and even spoken, about the love of God being without conditions, while people tend to love with conditions.  As I think about love and what love really is, I have come to an understanding that “unconditional love” is really an oxymoron.

If love comes with conditions then it is really not love.  Love has to be without conditions or else it becomes manipulation.89e0a-jesuslovesyou

God does love us without conditions because He is love.  Love is to be the standard by which all people will know who the true followers of Jesus are.  Jesus tells his first followers to love others as He had loved them.

Think about a parent.  Good parents do not love their children with conditions.  They love them without conditions.  They love their children, not for what they do or don’t do, but for who they are.  They don’t love their children in spite of their children.  They simply love their children because they are part of them.

Yet, I see so many people within the body of Christ that are better parents to their kids than what they believe God is to them.  They will love their kids without conditions, yet somehow believe that God conditionally loves them.

Imagine your child coming to you and saying, “Dad, I know I am so unworthy of your love. I am just a worm.  I am just a sinner that doesn’t even deserve to live under your roof.  Dad, I am so undeserving of your love.”   You’d probably flip out and ask what drugs they had been doing.  You would not stand for such nonsensical talk.  You would correct them and make sure they knew that your love for them has nothing to do with what they do or don’t do.

Why do we treat our children that way, yet feel God treats us differently?  Why do we believe that God gives us a standard to live by but doesn’t live by that standard Himself?  Many Christians seem to believe that God is a “do as I say, not as I do” kind of parent.  God expects us to forgive others, even if they don’t ask for it, yet many Christians don’t believe that God will forgive unless you confess and repent.  God says that we are to keep no records of wrong, yet many Christians believe that God is keeping an account of all our sins.

Now I know that some would argue that He is God Almighty and He can do what He wants.  That is true, but I don’t see that manifested in Jesus, who is the perfect image of the Father.  In Jesus, I see a God that is loving, kind compassionate and merciful.  I also see a God that is tough on religion, pride, hypocrisy and people unwilling to forgive.  In Jesus I see a God that would rather forgive and die for his enemies than to live without them.

That is love without conditions.  That is what true love is.

True love is always concerned with the other person’s well-being, value and happiness.  True love is being willing to put someone else’s needs before our own.  True love is always without conditions.

If we believe that God loves us with conditions then how do we know what those conditions are?  Some would say that God loves us when we obey.  If that’s the case then we need to stop telling “sinners” that Jesus loves them and wants to save them.   That would not be true because they are not obeying God.

If we believe that God loves us when we are living right, then wouldn’t that make us worthy of God’s love because somehow we are earning his love by doing what he wants?

If I can do something to make God love me then I become worthy of his love because of my actions.  That’s not love . . . that’s reward.  Unfortunately that is how many people give out their love….as a reward for other people’s right behaviors.

I don’t love my wife or kids because of what they do.  I love them because they simply are!  Even when my kids are rebellious, testing boundaries and my patience, I still love them without conditions.  I will not stop loving them because of what they do or don’t do.

Love is an emotion that we feel, but more importantly, it’s a choice we make.  We love people because we see the value in them.  You don’t love what you don’t value.love-like-jesus-bible-quote

God values us as His creation, and as His children.  Therefore, he loves us.  Our value is determined by him not us, our actions or even our right believing.  God can love us unconditionally because He places great value on who we are to Him.

I can love others unconditionally when I see their value over their actions.  To love with conditions doesn’t benefit the person I am “trying” to love.  It only benefits me as the person does what I want in order to get my love.  It’s manipulation and it’s not love.

God’s love is never manipulative.  His love is perfect and unconditional because He is love and he is the standard of what true love is.  May we truly learn to love others as Jesus has loved us.

516. Leaving the Old Behind

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Continuing with our conversation on mixing the Old Covenant with the New, this week we discuss some common sense reasons from Scripture why the Old had to come to an end and be replaced with something very different. This is the basis for the gospel. If our life in Christ is meant to be centered around our dedication and effort, we've fallen back to a religious system that exalts ourselves and diminishes the work of Jesus Christ.



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514. Randomly Addressing Commonly Held Beliefs (Part 2)

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Following up on last week's program, the tables are turned as Joel throws some spontaneous questions to Mike, addressing commonly held assumptions or beliefs found in most Christian circles or church doctrine. Discussions include: Asking for God's presence when we pray, dedicating our lives to God, and faith without works is dead.



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Tomorrowland and the City of God

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The gospel of grace is the happy gospel of the happy God who loves you like a beloved son or daughter. This good news comes from a book that begins gloriously and ends better. Preachers used to say of the Bible, “I’ve read the end and Jesus wins!” Those who love God ought to be […]

Strike Her Children Dead (Revelation 2:23)

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Five years ago I began Escape to Reality by looking at Jesus’ words to the churches of Revelation. My question then was: How do we reconcile Jesus’ harsh words with his heart of grace? And there are no harsher words than these: Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls […]

You Are Qualified

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Jesus can revolutionize your life and world view. The idea of grace in its fullness characterizes the very nature of Jesus and changes our concept of the worth of humanity. Our world view in the past has been filtered through religion, which tainted our ability to accept those that would not qualify to be a part of our family. All the while hoping that the outcast and the freaks would conform to our image so that we would be more comfortable with them among us. After all we don’t want that kind of person to representing us, right? How ugly is that, how sad, bland, boring and comfortable.

In the old covenant only the high priest could go into the holy of holies in the presence of God. The high priest were the very upper crust, the closest to perfect that existed. They were the only ones worthy to even attempt to meet with God and even they would drop dead if they did not fully qualify. How frightening, how intimidating, how confident, how self assured would you have to be to attempt a journey into the presence of God?

The magnificent exchange was that the very God that the high priest feared, the God that reigned down manna from heaven and whose presence lived in the form of Shekinah glory behind the veil had a plan all along to come to us. To go to the darkest places and the deepest earth to identify with us. The very God we feared became one with those who would never qualify. Because what we failed to admit is that no matter how hard any of us try, none of us can ever qualify. It is only by grace through faith in this man Jesus Christ.

So you see, it’s not a matter of qualifying to get to God, it’s a matter of God qualifying to get to us. Who am I to disqualify anyone? Who am I to claim Christ death returns insufficient on anyone’s behalf. God wanted us all along. He wanted us to admit our dependence on him all along. So if you are an outcast, freak or classified weirdo Jesus came to you, identified with you and brought you freedom, grace, and love. Not freedom from who you are, but freedom from having to be who you’re not. We are all dependent on him, we require him, we thirst for him and in him we find our life. Run to him, don’t be afraid!

Hebrews 4:14-16, Romans 5:8, 2 Corinthians 12:9, 2 Corinthians 5:19, Ephesians 3:19


Authentic “You”

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The reason the world is turned off by Christianity isn’t because we, as Christians, aren’t good enough.  It’s because we are very flawed but we present ourselves as if we are perfect, so we are fake. Glorified actors, who really have no idea who they are or what they really have to offer. Going through the motions. Doing what we believe looks like what a good Christian should be doing, what is acceptable in the religious community but to the world looks like fakery. Religion has essentially bound us to expectations and perfectionism. In some cases since early childhood.  So much so, that our creativity and individual expression havent been allowed to blossom. The problem is that the world sees through it, teenagers see through it and anyone who thinks sees straight through this act.  How are we as believers freed from expectations, preconceived ideas, perfectionism and being fake? Actually the message of the New Covenant authenticates the reality of our Christian walk.  Grace frees you to be very real, because you see that it’s all about Jesus anyway, and now you can relax.  Then you are faced with “now what” because for so long your actions have been determined by religion and now you are free to be you. All that you are left with is the expression of life that Christ can live through you and only you.  Are you good with that if it looks different or if it sounds foreign to the religious ear?  You are His workmanship, not the the religious establishment.  What would that even look like?  It’s a great big surprise but I can promise you that He will be seen.  This is what the world groans for, not our fake smiles and politics.  The world craves Jesus.


The 9 Lies of Religion

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“I came into the world to testify to the truth,” said Jesus. “Everyone on the side of truth listens to me” (John 18:37). These are strong words. If Jesus put them on his Facebook page he’d get roasted. “Jesus, how dare you claim to have the inside track on truth? Why must we take sides? How ungracious. […]

Smell What The Lord’s Been Cookin

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Have you ever tried to bake a cake with the wrong ingredients? It just never quite turns out. This example has been used by church leadership and ministries many times to evoke a need to re-evaluate what we are doing to see a desired end result in our lives. The other day I woke up thinking about this. As I lay in bed meditating on what that means from a new covenant paradigm I thought the most logical thing: If I am the cook then all this cake needs is Jesus to be perfectly perfect. Then the Holy Spirit stopped me and said why do you suppose that you are the cook in the equation? I had never thought that way before. I had always assumed that I had the major role in what goes in. But as I lay there in bed I realized that everything I need for life and Godliness has already been placed within me in Christ, so the ingredients are already there. Then as I rest in Him, He is cooking up His life and His nature through me that is as fragrant to a hurting world as baked cake is to a hungry nose. Neither the cook nor the ingredients are up to me the only thing I do is put myself in His hands and believe that He is cooking up more through my life than I could ever cook up on my own. I yield to His life within me, rest in what He has already done and then taste and see that the Lord is good.  And when I say good, I mean Jesus, He is the “good” that will be seen in me and He is the fragrance that will be smelled on me.  God really does have it in our lives.

2 Peter 1:3-8; Galatians 2:20; Philippians 1:21; Hebrews 4; Colossians 1:27; Romans 6:13; Psalm 34:8


Churchy Things…Is It Really Walking in the Spirit?

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Walking in the spirit doesn’t mean doing churchy things. Doing churchy things can and often is very very fleshy. You know as well as I that the more you do the more you feel you have to do. If you pray an hour you feel two is better. If you give there is always more needed and if you go to classes there is always another class to take. Then have you ever tried to step away from these things? Yikes watch out because forget what you have done it’s a perpetual state of do do and give me, give me, give me. This is the life of your everyday enthusiastic church goer. This life is exhausting!

When your churchy actions are done to gain something from God or even keep something bad from happening then you are depending on what you do and that is walking in the flesh.  By definition walking in the flesh is dependance on you and your actions and walking in the spirit is dependence on Christ, who He is and what He has already done.

Walking in the spirit is very simply resting in the finished work of Christ that has already been given to you when you believe. That includes righteousness, favor and blessing. All of this in Christ now, today without doing a single churchy thing. It is faith and rest “in Him” and what He already accomplished. See “you” died with Christ (Colossians 2:20, Romans 6:8, 2 Corinthians 5:14) and then Galatians 2:20 says he gave us Christ life and it’s out of His life that we live. Do you think God is counting how many times Christ is going to church or taking communion? No way, Jose! And His life is your life. That is the life of grace instead of law.

This isn’t laziness or doing nothing, this is the capacity to actually be more productive doing what you were put on this planet to do. It’s the most natural way to live (as a spirit being) and it is all from a place of rest.

Now before you run to FB to set me straight, think of the story of Rachel and Leah. Jacob fell in love with Rachel and worked for seven long hard years to have her. In Hebrew Rachel means “ewe or lamb”. So Jacob worked for the lamb (see the picture). Only when you work to gain the lamb you wake up with Leah. What! After seven years of hard labor Jacob woke up on the wedding night with Leah. Leah in Hebrew means “weary”. That is a dirty rotten trick, but it happened. And that is what you get when you work for the lamb you get weary. After that Laban gives Rachel to Jacob and Jacob works seven years because he has her. So you can work to get and end up weary or you can work because you have and end up at rest. God’s plan is good!

This story illustrates to us that when you work to get you will end up weary. Or you can realize that the lamb is yours, that He loves you already and gave His life as you and for you and to you. The truth is you will get more done from love than from fear and obligation.  It isn’t about your churchiness but about His life in you.


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