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How Does a Husband Act Like a Head?

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Here’s a line you may have heard: “God has ordained the husband to be the head of the marriage, which means he’s in charge.”

The first bit is biblical; the second bit is not.

Headship, in a Biblical sense, has nothing to do with superiority or being in charge. The Greek philosophers taught that men were to rule their homes like lords of the manner, and some of the Church Fathers bought into that. But Jesus and the Apostles said no such thing.

Do you want a godly and blessed marriage? Do you want to know what headship really looks like? Then consider the pattern established by God.

At the head of the human race, God placed a man. Being first in the line does not make Adam more or less special than Eve, but it did mean he was privy to instructions that Eve never heard.

God told Adam to avoid the forbidden tree. God didn’t tell Eve because she hadn’t yet been made. It fell to Adam to convey God’s will to Eve, and tragically he failed.

It was Adam’s job to keep the garden serpent-free, and he failed at that too.

Adam was the head who didn’t lead, and as a result the first marriage partnership failed. If Eve had been made first, these concerns would have been her responsibility. But being made second meant she could not succeed unless Adam succeeded.

Adam was the head who failed to act like a head. In contrast, Jesus is the head leads well.

God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way. (Eph 1:22–23)

Jesus is the head of everything, and his headship is exercised through the church and for the church. In the same way, a husband’s headship is not exercised upon his marriage, but through his marriage and for the benefit of his marriage.

A true king does not rule his queen like an Athenian. Rather, he rules with his queen and for the benefit of his queen like Jesus.

According to the English theologian Matthew Poole, “The man is called the head of the woman, because by God’s ordinance he is to rule over her. He has an excellency above the woman, and a power over her.”

Like Aristotle, Poole believed the husband to be superior to the wife for the same reason that “the head in the natural body, being the seat of reason, and the fountain of sense and motion, is more excellent than the rest of the body.”

If that offends you – and I hope it does because it’s unbiblical trash – change the channel. Don’t listen to Poole; listen to Paul. The Apostle Paul never said the husband was superior and more excellent to his wife. Instead, he spoke of mutual submission and preferring one another. He spoke of that divine mystery we know as the one-flesh team:

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. (Eph 5:31)

Children obey their parents, but when a marriage is formed, everything changes. The daughter no longer submits to her father, for she has become joined to her husband. Her husband is now her head.

Similarly, the husband is no longer beholden to his parents, but he submits to his wife. They have become a one-flesh team ready to take on the world.

Just as wives need to be liberated from patriarchal bondage, husbands need to be liberated from the unholy burden that they alone are responsible for all that happens in the home. You and your spouse are a one-flesh team created to lead together.

Partnership is not always easy, especially when you have the weight of tradition pressuring you to conform to ungodly roles and stereotypes. For the sake of your marriage resist that pressure. What God has joined together, let no man separate.

The crown upon his head

Women were never meant to be ruled by men, yet because of the Greeks and the patriarchs and the Fall of Man, here we are. If we are to return to God’s original plan, we need a better definition of headship, and Jesus is our definition.

If we men are to be godly husbands, let us take our cue from the One who gave his life for his church.

A godly head cares for and nurtures his wife. He respects her as a partner in Christ and acknowledges her God-given talents and gifts.

He provides for her and seeks to please her.

He encourages and comforts her and helps her to walk in the way that God has set before her.

He prays for her and with her.

He sets an example for her to follow and points her to Jesus in all things.

The primary way in which a husband serves as a head is by loving his wife as his own body and by giving himself up for her. He leads in the art of love.

And so does she.

His wife is a queen made in the image of God. Filled with the Spirit, she is just as capable of leading as he is.

As the proverb says, “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown.”

If her husband is the head, then she is the crown that sits upon it.

Source: The Silent Queen

More articles on marriage:

In marriage, who takes the lead?

Is the husband the head of his wife?

Submission doesn’t mean what you think it means

Who submits in marriage?

Why the Proverbs 31 woman may not be your ideal wife

Equality is not the goal

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Introducing JesusScripts.com

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I blame Covid.

On account of lockdowns, my kids could no longer attend youth group. I had to step up, and fill the gap. But I am no youth leader, and my Bible classes were boring.

It didn’t help that there was a big age gap between my youngest and the oldest. What worked for small kids, didn’t work for big kids, and vice versa.

I was stumped. How could I teach my kids about Jesus in a way that was fun and engaging for all?

Answer: Jesus Scripts.

I took the stories of Jesus and turned them into scripts that were fun to read. Like a play, but without the pressure of learning lines. So far we’ve done scripts covering all the major events of Christ’s life.

Would you like to play?

The first Jesus Scripts can be found on my brand new website: JesusScripts.com

The scripts work best in small groups of four to ten people. They are ideal for families, youth groups, and Sunday School classes. Most of the scripts are suitable for ages 11 and up. Some of the scripts are suitable for younger readers.

To clarify: these are not books and they are not available on Amazon. They are scripts that you purchase, download, and print. The small charge covers the cost of production, website hosting, etc.

Each script comes with a link to a free Leader’s Guide that comes with discussion questions, fun facts, and illustrative materials. The scripts are short, but the accompanying discussion can go as long as you want. We usually spend 30-40 minutes on each one.

If you like Escape to Reality, you will love the Jesus Scripts. And if you have been looking for creative ways to convey the good news of grace to young people, these scripts will help.

The Jesus Scripts were not written to moralize or lecture but to help you grow in grace and knowledge of Jesus.

My family loves the Jesus Scripts. Hopefully yours will too.

Grace and peace,

Paul

The Grace Commentary Passes a Milestone

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It’s amazing how much can change in a year.

For as long as I have been writing Escape to Reality, readers have been asking, “Paul, why don’t you write a commentary?” and my reply has always been, “It’s not gonna happen.”

My reluctance was based on brutal experience.

It took me two years to write a verse-by-verse commentary of Matthew 24 for a book called AD70 and the End of the World. It took nearly as long to write a commentary for Revelations 2 and 3 (Letters from Jesus).

That’s four years to cover a grand total of 102 verses.

At that pace I calculated it would take me more than 300 years to write a commentary for the whole New Testament.

So no, it wasn’t going to happen.

Except it has.

In January this year, I felt strongly impressed to give it a shot and in less than nine months we have this new thing called The Grace Commentary which now has commentary for 1,500 verses!

How did that happen?

I honestly can’t account for it except to say the grace of God has brought this project to life.

Who is the Grace Commentary for?

It’s for people who ask this question:

How do I read this verse through the lens of grace?

I get asked that question every day by readers. Perhaps you have even asked me that question. Now instead of waiting for me to answer (and being disappointed when I don’t), you can get an instant answer straight from the Grace Commentary, any time of the day, any day of the week.

We still have a long way to go, but we’ve made a solid start. 1500 verses. My hope is that you and your family will find the Grace Commentary a useful tool as you grow in grace.

If you believe the Grace Commentary is a worthwhile project, here are three ways you can support it:

  1. Pray for wisdom/strength/inspiration as I write
  2. Add a link to The Grace Commentary on your website (incoming links help the commentary get noticed by Google)
  3. Become a financial partner

Why does a commentary need money? It may surprise you to learn that the Grace Commentary website is more expensive to run than Escape to Reality, thanks to all the techy stuff under the hood. BUt hopefully it is worth it.

Become a partner in this exciting venture, and you’ll be investing in something truly worthwhile. Even in these early stages, the Grace Commentary is helping hundreds of people a week.

Whether you support the commentary or not, I hope you use it, and I hope you find it helpful.

Grace and peace,
Paul

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Tyndale, Shakespeare and the King James Bible

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The early seventeenth century was a time of unbridled creativity for English writers. Will Shakespeare was whacking out his best plays, while King James and Co. were working on a great Bible.

Shakespeare and King James were responsible for some of the English language’s most memorable phrases and proverbs, including, “many are called, but few are chosen,” and “to thine own self be true.”

Recently, I gave my kids a quiz where they had to identify the source of classic English quotes. (If you’re interested, here’s a link to the quiz. It’s a lot of fun.)

While preparing the quiz, I made some interesting discoveries. Consider the phrase, “he gave up the ghost.” Heard that one? Did it come from Shakespeare or the King James Bible?

“He gave up the ghost”

The expression refers to someone dying, as in “Abraham gave up the ghost, and died in a good old age” (Gen. 25:8). So if you guessed the phrase came from the 1611 version of the King James Bible, you are correct. The phrase appears several times in that Bible and most famously in the crucifixion scene of Luke 23:46:

And when Iesus had cried with a loud voice, he said, Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit: And hauing said thus, he gaue vp the ghost.

But that’s not where the phrase originated.

The gave-up-the-ghost phrase appeared in Shakespeare’s play King Henry VI, Part 3, which was written almost two decades before the KJV. In Act 2 scene 3, Richard Plantagenet says:

That stain’d their fetlocks in his smoking blood,
The noble gentleman gave up the ghost.

So Shakespeare said it first and this has led some to speculate that the KJV translators were inspired by the Bard.

They weren’t. The phrase was most likely coined some 80 years earlier by William Tyndale.

Tyndale is remembered as the first person to translate and print the Bible in English. In his translation of Luke 23:46, Tyndale wrote,

And Iesus cryed with a greate voyce and sayd: Father into thy hondes I comende my sprete. And when he thus had sayd he gave vp the goost.

William Tyndale said a lot of things first

By the time Shakespeare was born (in 1564), Tyndale himself had long given up the ghost having been martyred in 1536. Tyndale was executed for his controversial introduction of words and phrases that we use all the time. In fact, a lot of the kudos we give to the King James translators should really be given to Tyndale, for it was he who coined the following phrases:

• my brother’s keeper
• knock and it shall be opened unto you
• a moment in time
• fashion not yourselves to the world
• seek and ye shall find
• ask and it shall be given you
• judge not that ye be not judged
• the word of God which liveth and lasteth forever
• let there be light
• the powers that be
• the salt of the earth
• a law unto themselves
• it came to pass
• the signs of the times
• live, move and have our being

William Tyndale’s contribution to the English language and the modern church is not widely appreciated. Apart from coining beautiful phrases, he taught justification by faith and he understood the difference between the law and the gospel of grace:

The Law and the Gospel are two keys. The Law is the key that shutteth up all men under condemnation, and the Gospel is the key which opens the door and lets them out.

William Tyndale was executed on this day, 6 October, 485 years ago. He was strangled and burnt and he gave up the ghost.

Tyndale’s death was a great loss, but his life was a huge blessing for the English-speaking people. We are all in his debt.

Dig deeper with these study notes from Dr. Paul Ellis:

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Are you Self-Righteous? Take the Test!

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When you reach a certain age, you have to go for periodic checkups to ensure that nasty diseases haven’t flared up since your last check up. Similarly, it’s a good idea to undergo regular scans for self-righteousness.

Like cancer and heart disease, self-righteousness is one of the biggest killers around. Self-righteousness is believing there are things you can do to make yourself pleasing to God.

What is self-righteousness?

Self-righteousness is sometimes manifested in feelings of superiority towards others. But self-righteousness can also be reflected in a low sense of self-worth.

The defining ingredient of self-righteousness is that you are providing your own standard of righteousness.

When you decide what is good and right, perhaps on the basis of your own moral judgment or law-keeping, you are eating from the wrong tree. You are usurping God’s role as the Righteous Judge. True righteousness comes from trusting in Jesus, the Righteous One (2 Cor. 5:21).

Below is a simple self-administered test to help you detect the odor of self-righteousness. Respond to each statement below by indicating true or false.

How to score: Give yourself a point for every statement you scored as true.

How to interpret your score:

Score: 0 – 1 = you’re probably not self-righteous, unless you brag about your test result.

Score 2 or more: You’re a little bit self-righteous. Don’t panic! “All of us” are self-righteous at some point (Is. 64:6). The good news is self-righteousness is a treatable disease. See Doctor Jesus straightaway.

To learn more about self-righteousness and how to treat it, check out my article, “Six Signs of a Self-Righteous Mindset.”

The Grace Commentary is a great place to find answers to Bible questions, like these:

1. What is the word of God?
2. Why say a man is justified by works and not faith alone?
3. How will God repay us according to our deeds?
4. Why didn’t the religious leaders stone Jesus like they stoned Stephen?
5. Why did Paul call himself a bond-servant if he knew he was a son?
6. What is a measure of faith?
7. How do we work out your salvation “with fear and trembling”?
8. What is the significance of David’s Key?
9. What does it mean to “the God of hope”?
10. What are the works of faith?

Add the Grace Commentary to your home screen today!

How to Talk to Your Kids About Money

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How were you taught about money when you were a child?

I wasn’t taught much beyond pocket money and tithing. Most of my financial education came later through hard experience.

But there was one lesson I will never forget.

I was at a leadership conference many years ago. The speaker began by asking us if we knew the difference between fruit and trees.

Well, duh. Of course we did.

“You can’t eat trees, but you can eat fruit,” he continued. “And fruit grow on trees.”

Ookay. Thanks for that.

Having laid his horticultural foundation, the speaker began peppering us with questions:

“A nice pair of shoes. Are they fruit or trees?”

Huh?

“A romantic weekend away – fruit or tree?”

Um.

“An online business – fruit or tree?”

Eventually we got the picture. Trees were things that make money (eg: investments); fruit were things that cost money (eg: shoes and holidays).

Once we understood this, we were able to respond to his questions:

He would ask, “A nice restaurant dinner?” and we would shout back, “Fruit!”

Or he might say, “a lawn-mowing business” or “a rental property” or “shares” and we’d reply “Trees!”

Then the punchline: “If you want to eat fruit, you have to plant trees.”

Aha.

Trees before fruit

I have never forgotten the fruit and trees speech, and I have shared it many times over the years. It’s a simple picture of sowing and reaping that comes straight out of the Bible.

Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground – trees that were good for food. (Gen. 2:8-9)

When God placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, it was full of trees that were good for food.

Do you see?

If God had provided a few shopping trolleys of fruit, they would’ve eaten well for a week or two and then starved. But God planted all kinds of trees so they would have fruit for years to come, for themselves and their children.

Here’s another verse that says the same thing in a different way:

Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house. (Pro. 24:27)

This makes perfect sense to anyone raised in a farming community. Fields earn money; houses cost money. So take care of your fields first.

I’m convinced that one of the reasons why many in the church have a poverty mindset is because we’ve been taught bad financial habits. Instead of hearing about planting trees and sowing fields, we’ve been told the offering basket is a magic wishing well. Throw your money in and you’ll receive back 30-, 60-, 100-fold or more.

And that’s just one of several bad habits we hear about in church.

This is not the place where I talk about giving, except to say you can’t give what you don’t have. Before you give you have to receive and one of the ways we do that is by planting trees.

Historically, the church has emphasized giving more than receiving and this may be why so many in the church are poor.

How do we change that mindset? It starts with our kids.

Here’s what we do in our house. Every fortnight, my children sit down in front of me and I pay them for doing their chores. It’s basically pocket money. The amount stays the same each time. But we want them to feel that they have earned it.

Three jars

Each kid has three jars labelled Give, Save, and Spend. After I hand them their money, they divide it up into the jars. They can divide their money anyway they like – it’s their money – but usually a third goes into each jar. It’s a tactile experience that is repeated every fortnight, 26 times a year.

What do they do with the money in their Save jar?

I don’t really expect them to buy shares or a lawn-mowing business, but I do want to instill into their young minds the principle of deferred gratification.

One of my daughters just bought herself an iPad, a purchase which would have been impossible without the diligence of saving. She’s a budding artist and she is using the iPad to develop her talent. I think that’s a great investment.

What do they do with the money in their Give jar?

We’re fairly loose on the rules but the deal is they have to give to those in need without any expectation of return. They can put the money in the offering basket or sponsor someone on the 40 Hour Famine. Sometimes they’ll go shopping with their Mum for food which goes into local food banks for the poor.

And what do they do with their Spend jar?

They’re kids. What do you think they do?

The God of trees

I want my children to think like farmers, because we are all farmers. It might surprise you to hear me say this but it’s true: We are all sowing and reaping all the time. It’s a fact of life.

Sidebar: How does this relate to grace? Grace says you get to reap what someone else sowed, but nobody ever reaps unless someone first sows.

The Give, Save, Spend concept has been around a while. The three jars were not my idea. But they serve as a good way of teaching our children about a giving God who created an earth filled with good things.

Then God said, “Let the earth sprout vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit after their kind with seed in them.” (Gen 1:11)

Our God is a God of trees, by which I mean he filled the earth with fruit-bearing trees so that we might be fed and learn a few things about how to take care of ourselves. The trees came first.

But our world is a world obsessed with fruit, and the message we often hear is “fruit come first.” Buy now, pay later. No money down. Extend your credit limit.

Which comes first: fruit or trees? You decide.

The world’s way leads to debt and poverty, but God’s way leads to abundance and a rich inheritance for our children.

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In Marriage, Who Takes the Lead?

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If you have been raised with a traditional view of marriage, you’ve probably heard the husband is in charge. “In a marriage, the man is God’s delegated authority. He leads.”

It sounds Biblical, but it isn’t. It has more in common with those sexist advertisements of yesteryear than anything said by the Apostle Paul.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them (Col. 3:19)

The word for love (agapao) is a verb associated with the unconditional love (agape) of God. In other words, men, if you want to know what real love is like, look to Jesus who laid down his life for you. Do the same for your wife.

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord (Col. 3:18)

This should not be read as an invitation for the husband to dominate the wife like he’s lord of the manor. Instead, it’s an invitation for the wife to submit out of love, as is fitting in the Lord. In other words, if you want to know what submission is like, look to the One who has a gentle and humble heart.

We need to take a moment to reflect on what Paul is saying, because no one ever said anything like this before.

In ancient Israel you loved your wife for as long as she provided you with children and didn’t displease you. If she failed to perform, you could replace her for a better model.

“That’s not love,” Paul would have said. “Loving your wife has nothing to do with her appearance or ability to prepare tasty meals. Nor does it have anything to do with your feelings. True love is intentional. It is choosing to love an imperfect person with the perfect love God has shown you.”

It takes two to tango and it takes two loving people to make a good marriage. It’s not always easy, but when the husband and wife both respect and prefer one another, the result is a blessed and fruitful partnership.

Love in la-la land

If you have been raised in a culture where the men rule and women do what they’re told, a marriage of equals can seem like something out of la-la land.

How can a marriage work when there are two chiefs?

It works when each chief is totally committed to the success of the other. He plays the supportive husband, and she plays the supportive wife, because both want the best for each other.

Equality in role relationships does not mean both partners take turns doing every household chore. Equality means the husband and wife are equally willing to work hard and make adjustments in their marriage. Decisions are made jointly, and the division of tasks is based on preferences rather than gender stereotypes.

But what if the two chiefs can’t agree? What then? When push comes to shove, who gets the final call?

Speaking about her relartionship with her husband, the late Rachel Held Evans offered this answer:

We never really know how to respond to this question because, frankly we don’t do a lot of “pushing and shoving” in our relationship. We’ve never reached the great hypothetical impasse that folks seem so curious about. Even when we disagree, we find compromises based on multiple factors, not a gender-based trump card.

I couldn’t agree more. Camilla and I have been married for more than 20 years and in that time, I can only think of a few occasions when we didn’t see eye to eye. Major disagreements just don’t come up that often, and when they do, they are usually no match for our mutual love and respect.

I’m not saying we’re the Von Trapp family singing away our problems…

That would be cuckoo. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

But love conquers all.

Except when it doesn’t.

It’s a sad fact of life that some marriages break, and people get hurt. Those who promote traditional or patriarchal marriages believe marriages fail when partners are unwilling to accept the roles for which they are designed. “Problems arise when the men don’t lead and the women don’t submit.”

If that were true, hierarchical marriages would be the happiest and longest lasting. They are not. Research shows that the divorce rates of Christians are little different from atheists and agnostics.

Unhappy hierarchical marriages

Marriages fail because the people in them are unhappy, and the unhappiest marriages are the traditional ones.

A large study of 50,000 couples found that role relationships have a tremendous impact on marital satisfaction. Most couples in egalitarian marriages (81 percent) are happy, while most couples (82 percent) in traditional marriages are unhappy.

It’s no surprise to learn that marriages characterized by mutual respect and equality are happier. What is surprising is that many Christian marriages are intentionally unequal. They are more Athenian than Ephesian, and perhaps this is why our divorce rates are so high.

But who’s in charge?

We have been discussing love and submission, but we have skirted around the issue of who takes the lead in a marriage.

Jesus does.

He leads and guides us and shows us how to love our partners through thick and thin, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And Jesus teaches us how to forgive, which is key to success in any relationship.

In a traditional marriage, forgiveness, like submission, is coerced from the woman. “Forgive his failings because he’s your husband.”

But true forgiveness, like submission, is something we give in response to love. We don’t forgive because we’re supposed to or because we fear divine wrath. We forgive one other as Christ forgave us.

Your partner will make mistakes, disappoint you, and let you down. When that happens, be quick to forgive. Dispense the patience and compassion that you have received from Jesus.

Let his grace heal both your wounds.

Extracted and adapted from The Silent Queen.

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More articles on marriage.

Escape to Reality is entirely free thanks to the support of our readers. Patrons gets bonus articles like these:

Beware the muckraker

Who promped David to count the Israelites?

We’re not playing tiddlywinks

You have a sword

What is the hour of testing coming on the whole world?

Sowing in a time of famine

Should we thank God for our suffering?

Who overcomes and gets to eat from the Tree of Life?

Who’s Your Daddy?

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When our first child was born, there were some complications and she had to spend a few days in a special care ward.

She was kept in an incubator and the only way I could touch her was by putting my hands through holes in the side of the incubator wall. She was only a few hours old when I came to her, stroked her, and asked her a question.

“Who’s your daddy?”

I didn’t expect her to answer, so I answered for her.

“I’m your daddy, and I love you.”

It thrilled me to tell her this again and again.

“Who’s your daddy? I am. It’s me. I’m that guy. I’m your father, you’re my baby, and I love you.”

The communication was all one-way but that was fine with me. I couldn’t shut up. I had just become a father and my heart was fit to burst.

This little girl belonged to me and I belonged to her.

There were many things I wanted to tell her, but the first and most important thing she needed to hear was that I was her daddy and I loved her.

The most important question

The most important question you will ever ask is, “Who is my father?” Your answer to this question will influence every other question of life.

Who am I? Where did I come from? Why am I here?

Get the father question wrong and you will miss it on every other issue. Your identity will be muddled, and you will have no lasting security.

In your legitimate desire to define yourself, you may settle for inferior choices such as career or ministry. “I am a doctor.” “I am a pastor.”

But the truth is you are much more than what you do. You are your father’s child.

But who is your father?

Jesus answers the most important question: “Who’s your Father? God is your Father!”

Our Father in heaven … (Matt. 6:9)

What is God’s name?

The saints of the Old Testament had many names for God, but Jesus gave us the best name of all:

Abba, Father. (Mark 14:36)

Abba is not the name of a distant and mysterious God. Abba is a word of familial intimacy, not unlike Papa (which is how the Message Bible translates it). Abba is your heavenly Father who cares for you and longs for you to know him.

Why did Jesus come?

Jesus came to reveal God the Father to you. He came so that you might know who you truly are. He came that you might experience the abundant life of living as the apple of your Father’s eye.

Your heavenly Father is for you. He has tilted the universe in your favor.

With a Father like this, how can you fail?

Jesus said, “Father, glorify your name!” (John 12:28). What is the name of God that Jesus wants to glorify? He just told us. It’s Father. He has other names, but this is the name he wants us to use when we talk to him.

Near the end of his life, Jesus prayed,

Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known … (John 17:25–26)

Jesus is in the business of making the Father known. Yet many don’t know God as their Father. Like the saints of old, they see him as Lord but not Abba.

It’s as if Jesus never came.

What is God like?

A.W. Tozer once said:

What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.

Your picture of God is the single greatest influence on your life. Define God and you define yourself.

For instance, if you imagine God as a terrifying punisher, you’ll be fearful and guilt-ridden. If you see him as a semi-deaf sky-Santa, you’ll be a superstitious worrier. And if you believe God to be distant or dead, chances are you’ll act as a little god of your own little world.

Your view of God matters, but what is God the Father like?

He is exactly like the Son. Or the Son is exactly like the Father (Heb. 1:3). God is like Jesus. Not roughly so, but exactly so.

Jesus said, “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9). If you ran into God the Father at a party you might mistake him for Jesus or vice versa. That’s how similar they are.

This similarity makes it easy for us to dismiss the silly caricatures of manmade religion. Since Jesus is not a semi-deaf sky-Santa, then neither is God. And since Jesus is not a terrifying punisher, neither is God. Your heavenly Father is exactly like Jesus.

A Father like the Son

God the Father and God the Son don’t have separate agendas. God is not in heaven recording your sins while Jesus is forgiving them. Nor is he giving you sicknesses so Jesus can heal you.

The Father and the Son are exactly alike, they’re on the same page, and they have the same heart.

Jesus said, “I and the Father are one” (John 10:30).

The bad news of the orphaned life says, “You are on your own and nobody cares.” But the good news Jesus proclaimed says, “You are not alone and your heavenly Father cares about even the smallest details of your life” (see Matt. 6:31–32).

Perhaps you are asking questions like these: Who am I? Why am I here? Is God angry with me? Good fathers love it when their children ask questions, but you will never get good answers unless you see God as your good Father.

Who am I? You are your Father’s dearly-loved child.

Why am I here? Because your Father loved you into existence. You are his dream come true.

Is God mad at me? Nope. He rejoices over you with singing.

Can he forgive me for the things I’ve done? He already did.

Does he love me for who I am? He thinks you’re great! You’re a one-of-a-kind special and he delights in you.

Will he disown me if I sin? Never. Would you disown your own children?

What does he expect from me? He expects you to settle in his love and flourish in his grace.

Whether you are in the pigpen of dead works or the special care ward for broken people, you need to know that your heavenly Father loves you like crazy. He reaches down with love in his eyes and healing in his hands to ask you one question:

Who’s your Daddy? I’m your Daddy, you’re my child, and I love you.

This is the good news an orphaned world most needs to hear.

—

Extracted from Paul’s book Who’s Your Daddy which you can get for free by signing up as a subscriber.

Escape to Reality is funded by the generous support of our readers:

What We Need is a New Covenant Dictionary

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Words mean different things to different people.

Consider the word obedience. What does this word mean to you?

If you have an old covenant mindset, obedience means keeping the Ten Commandments. But if you have a new covenant mindset, obedience means heeding Jesus.

It’s the same for the word repentance. Under the old covenant, repentance means turning from sin, but in the new covenant, repentance means changing your mind and turning to God.

We could say something similar about the words confess, faith, and righteousness. What do these words mean to you? Your answer depends on whether you have an old- or new covenant mindset.

In nearly 12 years of writing Escape to Reality, I have learned that there is enormous confusion about the covenants. Because many people don’t know what makes the new covenant new, they are stuck with the inferior definitions of the old.

Think of it as the difference between two languages. Those who speak old covenant speak a language of petition and longing, while those who speak new covenant speak a language of thanksgiving and praise.

Introducing the Grace Glossary

If you want to enjoy the superior realities of the new covenant, you need to learn to speak the new covenant language of Jesus.

To help you do that, I have started working on something called the Grace Glossary. (A glossary is a dictionary of words limited to one subject, in this case, the new covenant.)

The beginnings of the new Grace Glossary can be found on my commentary website here:

www.thegracecommentary.com/glossary

If you find the Grace Glossary useful, you may want to sign up for occasional updates.

Grace and peace,

Paul



What are Works of Faith?

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What is the relationship between faith and works? And are we saved by faith or faith plus works? Many people are confused about these things, and it’s not hard to see why:

Paul: “We are justified by faith apart from works” (Gal. 2:16, Eph. 2:8-9)
James: “We are justified by works and not faith alone” (Jas. 2:24)

So who’s right, Paul or James? Are justified by faith? Or faith plus works? And if works, what are the works that count?

At first glance, it seems that Paul and James are not on the same page. This has led some to say they preached different gospels.

“Paul preached grace while James preached works.” Nothing could be further from the truth.

Both Paul and James understood that we are saved and made righteous by faith alone, and without regard to anything we have done. And both spoke of works that accompany faith:

Paul: “We remember your work produced by faith” (1 Th. 1:3)
James: “Faith without works is dead” (Jas. 2:17)

We are saved by faith and not our works, but faith without works is dead and useless. So…

What are the works of faith?

The Bible has a lot to say about this subject and most of what it says can be found in the many imperative statements involving faith.

What’s an imperative statement? It’s one that sounds like an order or a command or an instruction. For example:

The kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel. (Mark 1:15)

This statement has two imperative verbs or action words; repent (change your unbelieving mind) and believe the gospel. Repenting and believing are things you do. They are works of faith.

In the New Testament alone there are more than 200 imperative statements connected with faith. (I counted them.) Some of these statements exhort us to receive Jesus (e.g., John 5:43), heed the good news of Jesus (Rom. 10:16) and turn to God in repentance (Acts 26:20).

Other scriptures encourage us to accept the word (Mark 4:20), confess Jesus as Lord (Rom. 10:9), call on the name of the Lord (Act 2:21), eat the bread of life (John 6:50-51), be reconciled to God (2 Cor. 5:20), submit to God’s righteousness (Rom. 10:3), and be born again (John 3:3, 7).

But the one imperative that appears far more than any other, is the instruction to believe.

Again and again we are told to believe in Jesus (John 3:15), believe that he is the Son of God (1 John 5:13), and believe that he has been raised from the dead (Rom. 10:9). In fact, this is more than an instruction – it’s a command:

This is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ… (1 John 3:23)

What are we supposed to do? We are supposed to believe the good news of Jesus (Mark 1:15, 16:16). As Jesus said to the doubter:

Do not be unbelieving, but believing. (John 20:27)

The work of God

If faith is the noun – the state of being persuaded that God loves you – then believing is the verb or activity that flows from that conviction. It’s a work of faith. Indeed, believing in Jesus is the work of God:

This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent. (John 6:29)

We do not believe to create faith; rather, believing is the action that reveals our faith. “Having the same spirit of faith… we also believe” (2 Cor. 4:13).

Which brings us back to James.

Why did James talk about having faith plus works? Because he was speaking to religious Jews (see Jas. 1:1) who had faith in God (Jas. 2:19) but who did not believe in the One he had sent.

Like religious people everywhere, the Jews wanted to do things for God, but they didn’t do the work of God – the one thing that God requires of all of us – which is believe in Jesus.

What you believe determines everything

You may say, “Is that it? I just have to believe? That’s easy. It’s nothing at all.”

Only it’s not nothing; it’s everything.

Don’t you see? The course of your life is not determined by what you do as much as what you believe.

What you believe defines everything about you – who you marry, what you do, where you live, and how you live. Everything, really.

Believing in Jesus is so much more than a single decision or prayer. Believing in Jesus is a bit like migrating to a new country and learning a new language, only moreso. It’s like getting adopted into a new family or getting married.

Believing in Jesus is like being born again into to a brand new life.

There are 1001 things we might do for God, but all of them count for nought if we fail to do the one thing that matters; believe in Jesus.

Just as Adam lost his life through unbelief, we receive and enjoy divine life every day by believing that Jesus is risen and we are seated with him on the throne.

Image:  “The Hand of God” by Yongsung Kim

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Should Women Remain Silent in Church? What Does the Bible Really Say?

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Should women stay silent in church?

Hmm. Tough question. What does the Bible say?

NO

Act 1:14 They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the WOMEN.

NO

Act 2:4 ALL of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues.

NO

Act 2:17 I will pour out my Spirit on ALL people and your sons and DAUGHTERS will prophesy.

NO

Act 4:31 They were ALL filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly.

NO

Rom 12:6-7 If YOUR GIFT is prophesying, then prophesy; if it is teaching, then teach.

NO

1 Cor 12:7 Now to EACH ONE the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.

NO

1 Cor 14:5 Now I wish that you ALL spoke in tongues, but even more that you would prophesy.

NO

1 Cor 14:31 For you can ALL prophesy in turn so that everyone may be instructed and encouraged.

NO

1 Cor 14:39 Therefore, my brothers and SISTERS, be eager to prophesy, and do not forbid speaking in tongues.

NO

1 Pet 4:10 EACH OF YOU should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

NO

1 Pet 4:11 If ANYONE speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God.

Selah.

If that doesn’t settle the issue for you, check out Acts 21:9, Romans 12:6, 16:1, 3, 12, 1 Corinthians 12:11, 27, 14: 27, 29, 39, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Galatians 3:28, and 1 Peter 2:9.

You should have no doubt about the Bible’s position on this subject: Women are NOT to remain silent in the church. For the sake of the body, let every part function as God intended.

But wait – what about 1 Cor. 14:35?

The women are to keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but are to subject themselves, just as the Law also says.

These are not Paul’s words; he is repeating a question put to him by the Corinthians. In the Greek and Jewish communities, women were expected to keep silent in the assemblies. They even had laws about it.

“Shouldn’t we follow their example and have the women stay silent in the church?” asked the Corinthians.

“Absolutely not,” thundered the apostle.

What then shall we say, brothers and SISTERS? When you come together, EACH OF YOU has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. Everything must be done so that the church may be built up.

1 Cor. 14:26

One more time for emphasis: Women should NOT stay silent in church but should be encouraged to speak, sing, teach, pray, prophesy, and yes, even preach and lead, as the Spirit guides.

But can women really do all these things?

Enough already. Don’t you know we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses who marvel to think that we would even ask such an unbiblical question? That we have bought into an idea so far removed from scripture, testifies to the perverse power of tradition and patriarchy.

It is time for us to renew our minds and stop muzzling half of the body of Christ.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below.

—

Other articles about women in the church. Share them if you dare:

Are women permitted to teach?

Are women more easily deceived?

Do you have a Biblical view of women?

How did Jesus empower women?

If a women can’t be a husband, she can’t be a pastor, right?

Is the church too feminine?

Is the Bible sexist?

Jesus listened to women, why don’t we?

Jesus, pioneer of women’s education

Jesus stands with the accused

Should women be silent in church?

Submission doesn’t mean what you think it means

What does the Bible say about women pastors?

Who submits in marriage?

Women preachers? Where’s that in the Bible?!

Women pastors in the Bible

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Find out what readers saying about Paul’s book The Silent Queen: Why the Church Needs Women to Find their Voice?

Six Signs of a Self-Righteous Mindset

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Self-righteousness is the worst disease to ever afflict the human race. Self-righteousness will keep you from grace and lock you out of the kingdom.

For this reason, great preachers like Martin Luther and Charles Spurgeon made a habit of preaching against self-righteousness.

But do you know what self-righteousness is? Do you recognize its symptoms?

What is self-righteousness?

Self-righteousness is trusting in your own righteousness (Luke 18:9). It is believing there are things you can do to make yourself right with God.

Self-righteousness is sometimes manifested in feelings of superiority towards others. “I am right, you are wrong. My way is better than your way.”

But self-righteousness can also be reflected in a low sense of self-worth (“God can’t possibly love me”), an inflated sense of self-importance (“I need to do more for God”), and outright unbelief (“I am beyond the reach of his grace”).

The defining ingredient of self-righteousness is that you are providing your own standard of righteousness.

When you decide what is good and right, perhaps on the basis of your own moral judgment or the law, you are eating from the wrong tree and usurping God’s role as the Righteous Judge. True righteousness comes from trusting in Jesus, the Righteous One (2 Cor. 5:21).

If you wanted to scan yourself for the symptoms of self-righteousness, here are six markers to look for:

1. The self-righteous mindset is sin conscious

The self-righteous man boasts in his sinless state. “You will not find in me any iniquity or sin” (Hos. 12:8). He is convinced that he is without sin (1 John 1:8) or that others are responsible for his mistakes. “It was the woman you gave me” (Gen. 3:12).

In contrast with Jesus, the self-righteous man avoids sinners lest they contaminate him with their sinfulness. “Do not come near me, for I am holier than you!” (Is. 65:5).

He is quick to defend himself – “Can anyone bring charges against me?” (Job 13:19) – but in claiming to be sinless, he is effectively calling God a liar (see Rom. 3:10). By claiming to be good, he is contradicting Jesus who said “There is none good but God” (Mark 10:18).

2. The self-righteous mindset is legalistic

The self-righteous man boasts about his religious performance – “I fast twice a week and give a tithe of all I get” (Luke 18:12) – and he loves God’s laws. “I have kept the commands of God from my youth” (Luke 18:21). He does not realize that he is an idolater glorifying in himself.

The self-righteous man can never admit weakness and he never says sorry. Because he has zero tolerance for failure (“No excuses!”) he takes few risks.

While he thinks of himself as blameless in terms of the law (Php. 3:6), he is quick to condemn those who break the rules. He thinks sinners must be punished because “the rules need to be protected.”

3. The self-righteous mindset feeds on comparisons with others

The self-righteous man justifies himself by comparing his performance with others. “Thank God I’m not like other men” (Luke 18:11). He is proud of his reputation and pedigree and eager to draw attention to his good deeds (Matt. 6:2).

Quick to judge others, the self-righteous man lacks compassion (“I would never do that”), and he derives a perverse pleasure from fault-finding (“Look at what you did”). Putting others down reinforces his own inflated sense of importance.

4. The self-righteous mindset is hypocritical

The self-righteous man sees himself as a rule-keeper, but in truth he only obeys those rules which are easy (Matt. 23:23). The hard laws he dismisses. “They was for another time and place.” Thus the self-righteous man is a lawbreaker and a hypocrite (Jas. 2:10). Being lukewarm, he is further from grace than the sinners he despises.

5. The self-righteous mindset is independent

Jesus said “Apart from me, you can do nothing” (John 15:5), but the self-righteous man didn’t get the memo. “I am rich and have need of nothing” (Rev. 3:17).

Since the goal of the self-made life is to stand on one’s own feet, the self-righteous man has trouble receiving from God. “If I didn’t earn it, I won’t want it.” He cannot receive the free gift of God’s righteousness because he is too busy establishing his own (Rom. 10:3).

The self-righteous man is more than happy to do things for God, but he will never ask for anything from God. By his self-reliance he is effectively saying, “I don’t need a thing from you Jesus. You died for nothing.”

6. The self-righteous mindset is hostile to grace

Since he is not a wretched sinner, the self-righteous man has no need for grace. Indeed, he detests grace for it undermines everything he has worked for. Like the elder brother, he thinks grace is unfair (Luke 15:28-30).

Unacquainted with grace, self-righteous people are the most stressed-out people around. They carry heavy loads and don’t know the meaning of rest. They hear the happy sounds of a grace party thrown for prodigals, but their pride won’t let them join in.

The remedy for self-righteousness

Self-righteousness is the deadliest sin of all. In a classic sermon on self-righteousness, Spurgeon explained the problem:

A self-righteous man does not and cannot trust Christ, and therefore he cannot see the face of God. None but the naked man will ever go to Christ for clothing; none but the hungry man will ever take Christ to be his food; none but thirsty souls will ever come to this well of Bethlehem to drink. The thirsty are welcome; but those who think they are good, are welcome neither to Sinai nor to Calvary. They have no hope of heaven, no peace in this world, nor in that which is to come.

Self-righteousness is a grave deception. To be disabused of such a powerful lie, we need a stronger truth, and Jesus provides it.

“You are dead,” said Jesus to the self-righteous Sardians (Rev. 3:1).

“You make me sick,” said Jesus to the self-righteous Laodiceans (Rev. 3:16).

“You are naked and wretched!” (Rev. 3:17) Jesus spoke like this to wake the self-righteous from their stupor.

If you think you need nothing from God, hear the hard words of Jesus. Then take a good look into the mirror of the law and allow those righteous commands to plow the self-righteousness out of your heart.

Then once the law has revealed your true state—wretched, naked, blind and desperately in need—run to the Lord and receive from the rich supply of his grace.

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Want to learn more about the subtlties of self-righteousness? Check out Spurgeon’s sermon, “A Blow at Self-righteousness,” rewritten in modern English and available now on Patreon.

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